Since I was in college, I had my life planned out. My goal was to complete my Occupational Therapy program, nine months of internship, then, get a job anywhere, as long as it prepared me for my boards and paid my student loans. I’d move somewhere exciting, like NYC, date many men along the way, until I settled with the marrying type. We’d buy a house together, and make it a home. I’d move up the professional ladder, become a leader, make a difference, share my gifts, and feel success. I’d become a mother, before thirty, and have at least two kids, but probably three. This, all of this, was not only my plan, it was what came to be in my life.
When we plan something, especially years of our life, and then we see it come true, we THINK we can plan it all. We think that if we set a goal, and then make steps toward that goal, success can really be that simple. And, sometimes it is.
Of course, as everyone, I had hurtles along the way. But, I was naïve to understand the toll that major curve balls would play. After the life I planned, came the very unplanned, the unexpected life surprises which were nothing short of storms that rocked my world. But I've come to know, even in storms, there is beauty.
Some of the unexpected brought heartache. Our first born child’s type one diabetes diagnosis, at five years old, was one of them. But, there was also unemployment, secrets untold and then later, divorce. Shitty, hard things, that would take a toll on all humans, and the types of things that if one has never experienced, it would be very difficult to understand the depth of despair and result on yourself, and your marriage.
But, the unexpected life surprise that took my breath away, when I was certain I wouldn’t have any more children, and when “my3boys” might as well of been tattooed on my body as the description of my motherhood, I looked, and saw a plus sign on the pregnancy stick, confirming what I knew was true. This life surprise, came with fear of walking uncharted territory, carrying a baby while unmarried, while working full time, and mothering my other three. Would worry over public opinion get the best of me, or could I rise above? And then, there was the torment, to be, or not to be, with the father of the baby, when we were on again, and off again. For the first time in my life, I saw indecision and decreased confidence in myself, and, at moments, it was unrecognizable as me. But, above all of those emotions, the universe reminded me that she has a much bigger plan, and that all of this, the life that we think we can plan and control, we cannot.
I remember standing there, looking at the plus sign, and feeling in awe. I was overwhelmingly humbled by what is not in our hands.
Curve Balls require a reassessment of of who we are, what we want in life, and a sense of letting go for what we cannot control.
As much as I, an OT and a Life Coach, recommend that we always have goals, both for the short and long term, we must never forget to be flexible enough to readjust, reset and reposition those goals. If in transition, and handling the curve balls that life throws our way, we aim to recenter, practice self-love and continue our journey.